My future husband.

hihihihihihihihihihihihihi

For some reason, today was a little shit. Just was in a bad mood pretty much the whole of today until art after school when I seemed to have a sudden burst of energy and lay on the top of a desk whilst making Hannah piss herself for about 10 minutes. And then, after school saw Lyd for our daily gym class, and she asked me to go on holiday with her! So I am now going to Turkey for two weeks. How fucking exciting. Hello tan, will be nice to see you again! It was lovely and sudden and completely un-expected! I love life sometimes. This is just what I need, a nice getaway. Exams start soon... Holy crap.

People that never fail to make me happy

There are easier things in life than finding a guy that likes you for being you, like nailing jelly to a tree for example.

why are people such arseholes? why do guys make you feel amazing and then suddenly drop you because something better has come along? why do guys lead you on so much? how is it possible for someone to make you feel like you are nothing? why do I always like people that I can't have, like people that live fucking miles away? why do boys treat girls feelings to be completely unimportant? am I just making a big deal out of nothing? was there ever anything there, or did I just completely imagine there to be something? why did you used to say such incredible things to me, and talk to me all the time, and now barely even bother to say hello? why do I go through all those texts that I saved from you over and over until it makes me want to cry? why do I find it so hard to ignore you? why do I think about you every single day? why the fuck do I feel like i'm in love with you?

hot hot hot.

As much as I want to talk to you all about my Easter Holidays I seriously cannot be fucked, but it was lovely and sunny and I saw some wonderful people. I didn't do very much work at all, which is not good, but in 8 weeks my exams will be over and it will be summer. Me and Han are planning on roadtripping round England. Means we get to see everyone in Dorset and Yorkshire loads :) And go see pretty beaches. I am excited.

black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow

last night was one of the most amazing nights i have had in forever. actually incredible. being with people that i haven't seen in ages that i absolutely adore. had far to much to drink and we danced for hours on end in killer heels, mine and Caitlins poor feeeet! it was crazy, there were lasers and a smoke machine, it was insaaaaaaane. everyone was so nice and just wow. some of the guys were amazing at dancing and everyone was going crazy for them. at the end we were leaving, and caitlin got to the car realised she had got someone elses jacket and had to run down this long path in horrible heels to find the right cardigan. so so funny. looking at pictures in the morning is the funniest thing ever. oh dear. they are horrible. oh well, facebook time for them. this morning caitlin woke me up at 10 o'clock by whacking the curtains open and letting in horribly bright sunlight, then making me drop my phone on my face owieeeeee. so now, we are sat here eating boiled eggs, drinking cups of tea and switching between revision and watching films. it's fabby. i love my life when im down here. 

Sometimes, loneliness comes from the wrong company of people. I wonder if you've ever wondered whether there's something missing? Balance isn't too much of one person and none of another. So when you come to the realisation they aren't the most important thing in your life, please don't come crying back to me or any of us, it's not fair that we are thrown from being second best to being everything again.

don't know where we're going baby, we don't even care.

I've had a real S Club 7 day today. Got me in a seriously happy mood, so I did an hour of physics and three hours of art. But I also updated my ipod, which is one of my fave things to do before I go away. Apart from that my day really hasn't been that exciting, I had the dentist, which I usually don't mind. But it was horrible and he stuck something spikey in my gum and it hurt. And yes, my teeth are absolutely fine and I'm dead chuffed that i've never had anything done to my teeth. And yes, I did get a sticker. That's what I look forward to! My uncle came down this evening as for some reason he was working in Westbury. So we had a massive laugh about what a shit hole Westbury is, and he told me this story about his B&B he's been staying in and how minging it is. Then I noticed his sideburns, really i'd call them faceburns as they cover pretty much his whole face. They are hilarious. But ugly. Funny man. I also spent my day making fur headbands for a party that I'm going to tomorrow, Russian themed. I cannot wait to be in Dorset tomorrow. I need to pack tomorrow which will take me an age, but I'm so excited, and the party I'm going to means that I'm going to see everyone! Which is brillllllliant. But, I hate Wiltshire at the moment, and I'm not a fan of the people in it at the moment either. So it'll be fab to get away from it all and to spend time with people who I miss in incredible amounts.

Easter Holidays

this should be my break to just sit down and revise! and work! but what's stressing me out is that i have barley done any work at all and i'm going away on wednesday, but halfterm has been beautiful so far. so have a few pictures of the past four days until i can be bothered to blog properly...

wickedddddddddd

friday. was. incred. got a spray tan with Lyd, which was absolutely top! so i'm black. it's really fun. ottie's was last night, it was lovely! had such a wonderful time drinking lambrini and eating malibu jelly and just being in a really nice atmosphere where everyone was getting on. never ending dancing to pitbull - on the floor with kate lou liz and hol did definitely make my night. but it was lovely, and ott was lovely as usual. today, me liza and em went to bath and just chilled, came back and went to Tilly's. i spent the whole afternoon taking pictures of eliza and all her pretty friends, and got paid £40. bingoooooooooo. just chilled with ott, attempted to do makeup and face stuff for art but completely failed. it was shit, but ever so funny. as you can tell i seriously cannot be fucked to blog today. NIGHT FUCKERS.

happy birthday little Ben.

today was horrible. i hated it. it's my brothers birthday today, but he died seven years ago today. so everyone was upset and crying in my family. i tried to keep it in at school, which i managed to do rather well until lunch when i just completely broke down and cried. but the thing is, you don't have a clue what it feels like until it's happened to you. it was the worst experience of my life. and everything makes you cry. everything. i walked past a picture of me holding my dead baby brother, and cried. i'm surprised i haven't run out of tears. lars was amazing. even though we don't talk very often, he saw my status, remembered immediately and said 'i love you loads, i love you so so much, you're the kindest person i know, and i miss you so much' which just sent me to tears straight away. i fucking love that boy. eve then said to me ' i bet it was a hard day, but i know he would be so proud of what an amazing sister you are! i am very proud of you too, and i dont know how you would of got through today! love you so so so much' again making me cry loads. so today has been shit. but they have been lovely. and Ben, if you are looking down on me i just want to say that i miss you in uncontrollable amounts, and i will always love you. <3

fruit salad and pencils.

Today was beautiful. Well, not the people really, they were annoying me as always. But the sun was out and pretty and amazing and hot, I actually felt as if I was getting burnt. I completely finished my PSHE project, so I don't have that to worry about anymore! Bliss! When I got home I sat outside on the garden table, with a massive sketchbook, a fruit salad, music playing really loud, with the lovely liza and we just drew for hours. And it was loooovely. One more drawing to go in art too. Fabulous. I love getting things finished me. P.s I'm in a Bob Marley mood today. Love. Him. Quick fact; My uncle smoked a spliff with Bob Marley before he died. Still shocked about this fact. Off to dance, night kids.

Tomorrow Benny, <3 

50 things about me

ok i'm bored and this looks fun.

1) I hate knees, seriously hate them, mainly people touching mine, or people fiddling with theirs, ew. Makes me want to vom.

2) I'm probably one of the most insecure people you will ever meet, I'm really not a fan of my looks.

3) I love being tickled, back especially, anywhere really. It's amazing and could easily send me to sleep

4) My hair just doesn't grow! It's so frustrating! I want long hair again!

5) I'm taking psychology, biology, music and french for A levels - I'm also very scared about that.

6) I worry about absolutely everything, too much, if anyone goes out and doesn't pick up their phone or it's dark and they aren't home I just assume that they are dead or something. I spend possibly half of my life worrying about everything.

7) Singing is my biggest passion ever,  it makes me so so happy.

8) The thought of dying, or anyone else I know dying scares the absolute shit out of me.

9) In my whole life, four people I love have died. My brother, Nan, Auntie and Dad's bestfriend. In 2009, three of those people died in the course of three months.

10) When i'm older, I either want to be a singer or a doctor

11) I have the best family in the world <3 Around forty cousins who I love very much.

12) I've been on a Cruise boat for two weeks around the Med. One of the best times of my life.

13) Accents on guys are so so soooo hot.

14) I am in love with someone but nothing will ever happen.

15) Disney films are amazing, I could sit and watch them for hours.

16) I love tidying! It's a weird obsession.

17) The only person I have ever seen in concert, worryingly, is Rolf Harris. (I wouldn't count T4 on the beach as a concert?)

18) Lesbian crush = Beyonce. Quite literally love her, shes amazing.

19) Some of my family live in Africa, so I don't get too see them very much.

20) I was going to enter this years X-Factor, but then chickened out.

21) My dog had puppies last year, 8 beautiful puppies, one of them died :( That was sad. But the experience was unreal. Loved every second of it.

22) I have a sister who's 14. She's called Eliza. We get on really really well, she's one of my bestfriends. We share a room, and if you don't look at our hair, we look really alike. I have a brother who's 12. He's called Jacob. We don't get on quite so well, he can be an absolute bastard sometimes, but then again he can be lovely too. We look identical with the hair aswell. Blonde and curly.

23) I love beautiful backs on boys, nom, and hip bones on guys are just wow <3

24) I'm a virgin, happily a virgin at the moment. Waiting for the right guy. He's fucking taking his time though.

25) Angry birds is one of my favourite games ever.

26) Cities at night are just magical

27) Snorkelling is fucking amazing

28) I hate people clicking their bones, fucking ew, HATE. I have to cover my ears. Yuck yuck yuck.

29) I have loads of groups of friends. Dorsets, still in really close contact with all my friends from Poole, where I used to live. My group of friends I'm with everyday, Hannah, Anna, Rach, Amy etc..., Other really close friends, Ottie, Edie, Katie etc... I'm good friends with most people in my year. Outside of school - My stonars, Katie Tucker and Hollie Bod. Lyds and Miaa too <3. And the year 9's, Lars, Eve etc... I love them all.

30) Beaches are one of my favourite things. Just being there and listening to the sound of the sea, and the smells and just everything. One thing I seriously miss about Dorset.

31) I dislike change. Sometimes it's positive, but it always seems to happen when things are going really well. And then I hate it.

32) It's a new found theory of mine that when anyone has a boyfriend, even your bestfriends, you get completely pushed out, and are from now on second best always. That makes me extremely sad.

33) Shitting my pants about my GCSE's! Haven't started to properly revise yet, and I had my first one last week. Written ones start in a month.

34) Cute texts are the best. When a guy sends you amazing texts, just little things like 'i love you' or 'come for a hug' or 'your beautiful' or 'i miss you'.Nothing beats it.

35) I like my eyes, one of the only things I do like about myself.  The blueness off them.

36) I cry really easily, which I don't like. But it's so hard to keep it in sometimes.

37) I wish I didn't feel the need wear makeup, I love not wearing it. It's fabulous!

38) My hair is really curly and big and blonde, I do straighten it quite a lot though. Oops. Love 'off the beach' hair.

39) I really want a baby. I wouldn't have one now, obviously, but I love looking after babies. I think it's the responsibility of being able to look after something so small and innocent. Anything could go wrong. But if it doesn't that's a good feeling.

40) In four days from today, the 7th of April, Thursday, it will be the anniversary of my little baby brother Ben that died. No doubt I will be extremely unhappy that day.

41) The only things I'm really bothered about watching on T.V are friends, 90210, waterloo road, glee. Occasionally other things as well.

42) I absolutely love taking photo's on big camera's. My dad's canon <33333

43) My sister is possibly the funniest person I have ever met in my whole entire life. She seriously cracks me up.

44) I've only ever smoked once, just tried it, and I really hated it . Won't be doing that again.

45) Big cardigans are the love of my life.

46) I could sit and let somebody face paint my face all day long

47) I panic uncontrollably if i'm not out of bed by 12.

48) I bit my nails. Now I don't. They are getting really long and that makes me tres happy.

49) My mum has been through so much in her life, she's such a brave woman, and I truly look up to her <3

50) Caitlin McCarthy is my longest friend. I've known her for 14 years. My whole life pretty much. We were next door neighbours for nine years of my life. I've never ever fallen out with her, not even a stupid fall out when we were younger. Never ever. We used to have a gate between our gardens with a little plastic table in-between it. Everyday we would sit on the table and colour alll day long. And play with our hamsters. Her older brother, Shay, used to tickle us until we cried. 'Tickle treatment' he called it.

from my hometown

These wonderful people I am about to show you 

are people I miss in uncontrollable amounts.

They are some of the most amazing people that 

I have ever had the opportunity to meet and

even though I hate the fact that I had to move from

Dorset and leave them nine years ago, I am in 

some ways glad it happened, because now

it's even more amazingly exciting when I get 

to go and see them! I've never fallen out with

them, ever. And it's lovely to go back and

be with people that I know more than anyone,

and with people that I can talk to about anything

because they love me whatever goes on. Not

only do I miss them, but I miss the sea. I

am actually having sea-symptoms from being

away for too long. But in just over one week,

yes that's one week. I will be with them.

And you know what, I cannot fucking wait! <3

"i don't like things inside me" lol rach.