happy birthday little Ben.

today was horrible. i hated it. it's my brothers birthday today, but he died seven years ago today. so everyone was upset and crying in my family. i tried to keep it in at school, which i managed to do rather well until lunch when i just completely broke down and cried. but the thing is, you don't have a clue what it feels like until it's happened to you. it was the worst experience of my life. and everything makes you cry. everything. i walked past a picture of me holding my dead baby brother, and cried. i'm surprised i haven't run out of tears. lars was amazing. even though we don't talk very often, he saw my status, remembered immediately and said 'i love you loads, i love you so so much, you're the kindest person i know, and i miss you so much' which just sent me to tears straight away. i fucking love that boy. eve then said to me ' i bet it was a hard day, but i know he would be so proud of what an amazing sister you are! i am very proud of you too, and i dont know how you would of got through today! love you so so so much' again making me cry loads. so today has been shit. but they have been lovely. and Ben, if you are looking down on me i just want to say that i miss you in uncontrollable amounts, and i will always love you. <3